The best way to strip a narcissist of his power isn't by arguing and feeding into his toxic and dysfunctional cycles — it's by refusing to engage at all. Don't fall for the narcissist's script Every narcissist has a pattern, if you look closely enough, and it is generally one of diversion.
My ex's response to every situation where he was at fault in our relationship was the same; instead of discussing problems I raised, he would divert the conversation to a completely unrelated behavior of mine.
Divorce, to a narcissist, is just another way for them to continue their abuse, and the legal system becomes an unwitting pawn in their pathological game.
It's been four years since that moment in my therapist's office, and two years since my divorce was finalized.
While most of the wounds have healed by now, if I had to do it over again, I would make many different choices along the way.
These are the top eight mistakes I made divorcing a narcissist, and how you can avoid making them yourself: 1.
Suddenly, all of the strange behavior that had made me feel crazy wasn't so crazy at all — it was unmasked as purposeful, pathological gaslighting.
Because I was telling the truth, I naively expected that the court system would believe me.
Unfortunately, there is no magical solution to a broken legal system.
What you can do to prevent re-victimization, however, is ensure that you do not look for validation of your experiences from a court.
Instead, it is vital to have a solid support system in place with a designated person (preferably who has dealt with a narcissist) who can listen to you, hear you, validate your experience, and remind you that it isn't your fault. Don't assume your abuse ended along with the marriage One of the most frustrating things about divorcing a narcissist is that the abuse they inflict leaves serious damage, but the divorce occurs long before it has healed.
As hard as it is to accept that the person you loved may have been lying to you all along, it's important to go back and revisit what you thought you knew about your spouse to adequately prepare for court. Don't trust their olive branches Narcissists need a constant supply of love and validation from their spouses.
As soon as the relationship ends, you are no longer useful to them, and they will no longer feel any obligation to treat you civilly, much less with kindness.