Within a year, if not sooner, he's figured out that he not only wants to marry you but has to marry you to see you more often, to really have you.Your problem at this point is not if he's going to marry you but when. They are notorious for wanting to put off the actual engagement part until later.Danger Signals Be on the alert for any excuses your fianc--e might make or situations that might delay the marriage, such as: 1. When Not to Close the Deal Perhaps you're the one having second thoughts. Besides, you're not the first woman to change her mind or cancel a wedding. After you've made up your mind, give yourself permission to grieve. But don't give up on love or throw yourself in front of a bus. He thinks being engaged is great, so why rush into marriage? He's been married before, it was a disaster, and he's not anxious to tie the knot again. He's proposed, but something just doesn't feel right, and you're thinking about breaking it off. If you've thought about it carefully and discussed your decision with a therapist, good friends, or family members, we suggest that you always trust your instincts. Go away for a weekend with a girlfriend, cancel a Saturday-night date, get very busy at work, mention that you are renewing your apartment lease, or be mysterious about some of the things you do. If he says he does plan to marry you someday, but he's not ready yet, then it's up to you to close the deal.All of the above should make him anxious to propose. Ask him when -- and if it's more than a year away, see less of him and think about dating others.
Don't talk to him on the phone for hours every night -- and it's still best not to move in together.
A man who is wary of commitment is made less wary by a woman moving away from, not toward, commitment. You've already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose. If you are already living together and he says he doesn't want to become engaged, make plans to move out.
But don't say, "I'm moving out because you won't commit." Just say that you need more space and you heard about a great apartment.
And if you've been living with him, you allowed him to be with you indefinitely without making a commitment. Don't suggest going to couples therapy to discuss why he can't commit.
Men can and do commit when they love you and when you maintain your identity and self-esteem in the relationship. Don't let a man you have been dating for years convince you to wait until "things slow down" at work or he's better off financially to make a commitment.