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A “2×4” is a burger with two beef patties and four slices of cheese. Also known as a “Wish Burger” — presumably a reference to a song from 1957 by the Chips.

You can also order a “3×3,” a “4×2” or any other meat/cheese combo your little heart desires. Leaves your bread on the grill a tad longer resulting in “crispy buns,” which is not as dirty as it sounds. You can also get the bun lightly toasted or untoasted. They toast the buns so that they have some rigidity and don’t get soggy by the condiments. Yes, we know this is an “Arnold Palmer.” Stop telling us.

So here are a few imaginary items that we ordered so you don’t have to.

Wish Burger: This is another name for a veggie burger, but not all In-N-Out employees know it, though. (Actually, I just wanted to use the word “flummoxed.”) “On the Sal”: “On the Sal” was supposed to give us all the vegetables that normally go on the burger, with secret sauce on top, and nothing else — basically a tiny side salad.

Once again, the lovely cashier had no idea what I was talking about.

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